theprotagonist5

Warning - long post, skip if you like...

I closed on the sale of my condo this past Friday. I lived there for just over 7 years. From March 02 through June 09. (technically I moved out in Feb, but sold in June) It was an interesting day as most are these days when I am encountering all kinds of new things I have not had contact with before.

First off I had forgotten that Steve's place is next to the tornado siren until it went off as I was trying to gather everything and leave. I didn't know whether to grab the cats and go hide in the downstairs bathroom or to leave because the sky really didn't look like a tornado was possible. Later I found out it was in the next county.

Then I had to go to Oak Park to get a transfer sale tax stamp in order to allow the process to complete. What it seems is that Oak Park wants its sales tax up front for the deal, charged to my credit card. $8 per 1K in sale price. Yea, that adds up fast.

That process didn't take as long as I had anticipated so I decided to go see the condo one last time and get any last mail that was in the mailbox. I got there and found most of my mail had been forwarded properly and the new buyers were doing their walk through of the place. A married couple was buying it and I couldn't see how they were going to stay in that small space while married, but they wanted a 1 br, so I was happy to sell it to them. I didn't want to crash the walk through or anything but I did want to see my place one last time. They were in the kitchen chatting when I walked in, the place I used to like to hang out the most too.  I remarked about how large the space felt without all the furniture in it, and they remarked at how small it felt to them. I mentioned that I couldn't change the space even if I wanted to. I showed them a few last things and then got out of their way. It was the last time I will ever be there and yet I was ok with it. I have been ready to move on for a while.

I then headed over to the closing title company a bit early which was a good thing since it was pouring rain and I had no change for the parking meters. I went to get a bottle of water from starbucks and pay the meter and the sky in the north was just black/purple. If there was going to be a tornado it was going to be here.

In the elevator going up to the title company I met my lawyer by chance, one of Steve's scout friend's dad. We were greeted by another forner resident of my building who happened to work there. (surprise) Then when they buyers arived with their lawyer we all got seated in an office/conference room with the buyers and their lawyer and realtor on one side of the table and me and my lawyer on the other.  I thought it was a bit silly from a strategic perspective but I can see that you do have to pass a lot of paperwork down the line.

My realtor was running late because she had to go pick up the lock box at the condo. When she arrived at least we had 3 people on my side of the table. I did not have very much paperwork to do compared to the buyers. They had about double. I had to sign a bunch of papers confirming that I had not sold it to anyone else and that nothing had happened to the property since the offer was made. We also had to go through all the line items of fees. It ended up costing 11K in fees to sell. That was 8.5% of the selling price. Ouch. When you calculate how much you will make selling your place, remember the 8.5% in costs, even with our realtors doing the minimum commissions thing, not 5%.

Then we realized that there was something missing. My property management company had not written the first right of refusal approval in the letter they sent over. So we had to call them and have them fax it over again, and then things were pretty complete. It took a while to get through everything, we arrived at 11 am and I left at about 2:30 pm. Luckilly they had cookies there. We tried to keep it light in conversation between forms and share good restaurants and places to go in Oak Park. The lawyer and realtor both lived there too.

Then very quickly it was over. Everyone was eager to get out of there and move on so we went. I got my check and so did the lawyers and realtors. We didn't even have a chance to shake hands or anything. I was ok with it though. I had some cash back, more than I had originally put down as a deposit (because I overpaid regularly).

Then I ran over to the florist in Forest Park, Tulipia and finailized a few things and then ran home. Steve and I had to get our marriage licence in DuPage that day too. I can't get a day off work very often with this crazy workload so we combined a bunch of things into one day. We found the licence process to be very quick and only $30 dollars. A lot less expensive than selling a house. We also got father's day gifts taken care of that afternoon and a trip to the bank for that condo money. We even snuck in a trip to target to finally get a full length mirror, I have needed one for 7 years and not had any space for it.

So it is finally over, the whole condo phase. I look back and think that the buying-moving in process seems like faded sketchy memories now, so I wanted to write it down. I do remember how excited I was at the time and how much I really liked the design of the condo. I also remember many of the rude awakenings as I discovered things like the window air conditioners, traffic, radiators and sirens are pretty loud at times as well as the neighbors in the beginning. I also found out how hard it was to carry groceries up 3 flights of stairs and find a place to park without getting a ticket. I solved most of those issues or adjusted over the years and even managed to make it a comfy place to live.

Looking back these are the few  things I would have done differently: 

1. Have people over more often - or stayed home and enjoyed my space
2. Pay more off on the principle monthly instead of buying clothing/decorating stuff that didn't last
3. I should have gotten a place with parking from the get-go, but it worked out in the end when I did get one.
4. I should have cleaned more often, since my allergies got a lot worse living there.

Otherwise I am pretty happy with my time there. I got engaged there. I had a lot of work experience while living there. I learned a lot about public transportation and walked more than I had ever before that point. I indulged in the things that a single girl can do and a married one might not. I indulged in vintage stuff collecting, in blogging, improv classes, flickr and internet fun. I also indulged in my own personal space and style, which will always be a combination now with Steve's. I got a cat and I slept in late and went to bed whenever I wanted. I read a ton of books and occasionally tried to cook. I was free of a lot of responsibility yet it seemed like a ton at some points. Mostly because of work. It was where I decided I wanted to be a marketer and really dug into my craft. It also really set in that I was flying without a net and my parents were not going to be there to "save" me if I screwed up. And this was the beginning of the rest of my life where I kind of had to start taking care of my parents and seeing how long I would still have them around.

All these things have changed now. The single city girl phase is over and it's time to learn to be "wifey". (joking) It is about trying to meld together living styles and families and goals. Yes, it is about giving up some of what I want, but I get so much happiness in return in general just being where I am that some of those nit picky things seem silly. Life is also a lot about trying to stay ahead of the curve with work even though doing new things gets harder and harder with the larger workload I keep getting. Sometimes with all the wedding planning and insane workload, I think being human instead of a robot is really holding me back. I should really be a robot for the job I have. It would work so much better. I will have to look into that. After the wedding in 3 weeks.

With how busy things are for everyone this time of year I thought I would just post some brief updates.

1. I just spent 3 hours skimming, deleting, unsubscribing and filing email from my old ameritech acct. It was 2 months since I really checked it and it took 2 sessions like this to clear out almost 2K messages. (and a few previous to that in the reading/unsubscribing category several months ago) I am not sure why I am OCD about my email but when I do get in there it has to be organized. Anyway I am making a 2009 resolution not to subscribe to email newsletters anymore. I just can't keep up with my interests.

2. Holiday family stuff was fun. I spent C-Eve with my parents and brother at their house and we all went over to Steve's parent's place on Christmas Day. It is nice to see that the families seem to get along well and have a good time. I tried to do some cooking to contribute and got a cuisinart hand held blender thingy I was looking for because of some recipies. My most favorite part of the holiday is buying gifts for people and I think most everyone has been pretty happy with everything. I got some Glen Hansard discs from my brother that I have to listen to soon. Steve and I are getting eachother functional computer desks for the holiday when we can get a free moment to go buy them and set them up.

3. Chicago Weekend Fun blog is doing ok. November was a banner month because of the election, so December seems like a downer even though it is still quite up from October. I hate seeing negative numbers of any kind. They drive me nuts. I am thinking of Jan-Feb ideas now, what would you like to read about in those months? CWF is about the only work I did last week when off from real work. Chicago Wedding Bridal blog is plugging along and traffic has jumped now that Google recognizes its links. I have to spend some more time on that one. It is sadly out of date. Feel free to visit either and let me know what you think and click around and see what interesting content there is on the sites.

3.5 Suprisingly even with the extra income, my holiday costs, dental and wedding costs still were more than I brought in for Dec. (sigh, yes that is how I budget, and this was the only month of the year like this) So, I am glad the month is almost over. Oh yea, I got that dental crown put in that I had a root canal done for about 5 years ago. (big giant screw in my tooth holiding it together) But now I think the thin shell of a tooth that was left cracked when they ground it down and part of it fell out so I may be up a creek again and have to get an implant. Oh yea, and in even better news I have to get my wisdom teeth extracted sometime in the next month due to a large cavity there. Hah!

4. I spent Christmas week at Steve's place with Zeus the cat along for the trip. Traveling with a wailing cat is not easy but after about 2 days of maintaining a perimeter around himself from the other cats, (Steve has 2) Zeus seemed to adjust and relax for the remaining days. We did make a vet trip for all 3 cats on Friday 12.26.08 and found that Zeus has gained weight from 18 lbs to 21 lbs in the last year and a half. Oops, I guess I am feeding him too much after all. The good news in this is that Steve and I managed to get through our first hectic Christmas season together with all the shopping, baking, wrapping, social calendars, to-do lists and family events without any major outbursts. And both being headstrong / firstborn / like-to-be-right people that is a good thing. Save the date cards also managed to be mailed before xmas through a minor miracle of schedules.

5. We looked into Wedding Photographers and although Mugsy's recommendation was already booked and all the ones she recommended were also booked, we have 2 options. We need to decide this week. We also looked at Tuxedos. Apparently Steve looks better in a 2 button tux than a 3. Why don't tux places have more samples to try on? Don't they know this is the equivalent to a bridal gown? Colors matter when on a person, and can't always be eyeballed. He can't decide what he likes and all the groomsmen have different opinions too. This won't get decided any time soon.

6. I'm back to work again this week and spent most of today filtering through work emails and newsletters. There is always a bevy of new marketing and online trend information out there. I wish I could be some kind of trend analyzer and comprise what I think is good, bad and hoey about all these because they are only somewhat useful to me now and most the organization doesn't really get to take advantage of them in any way. I am looking at another year of boring same old work without any new innovation or challenges or advancement opportunities but in this market I am grateful to have that. I am going to try more in the database area since Statistics blew up at a certain point, and we need better ways to process data anyway. But some of this may have to wait until after the wedding craziness ends.

Ok, so that wasn't such a quick update, but it's all there.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and has a great (low cost in this recession) new year!

All of those of you with kids are probably laughing that I think my life is crazy right now. You probably still win the craziness schedule contest but compared to my simple single life this is a lot going on. Some summary below: 

This whole sell the condo thing is finally on the move. We met with a realtor that Steve knows through a business assn he works with last Tuesday and found out a lot of great detailed information about the market and the sales and terms that have been happening latley. I appreciated her research and we found out what we needed to do to polish up my place for listing. We set to work and after about 6 rubbermaid storage containers and 6 pieces of small furniture removed as well as a thorough cleaning and ouch up paint we took photos of the condo yesterday and signed all the required paperwork. The listing should be up soon but I really don't think we are going to get any lookers before the holidays. Hopefully it will sell in the spring but maybe we can get lucky.

I found a dress on Sunday at Priscilla of Boston. You may or may not know that I worked there on Saturdays as a second job back in 2001 while saving up money for my condo down payment. Boy has it changed since then. They never used to have sales or other brands and now they are a store with big rolling racks of dresses everywhere and a zoo of customers to boot. I got a Watters & Watters strapless sample dress that looked like it had never been worn for 85% off. Weird and lucky I know, but I managed to get it out of there before they changed their mind about the price. Now I just have to get it cleaned and hemmed and bustled closer to the wear date.

Classes are crazy. I don't think you are supposed to study just before class and still pass this class, but with all this going on that is what is happening these days. Suprisingly I am still doing ok. Maybe because I use math so much for work now.

Halloween was nuts too. We went to a party that Steve's friends had. I was an LOL cat and Steve was a heavy metal guy with a ridiculous wig. Everyone thought that was perfect for him.

I talked to florists yesterday and think red is the way to go, although I really like the yellow roses with the red edges. That may be tacky and too wild but something about gradients on flowers always gets me. More floral appointments this weekend to see what others come up with.

I did a reconnaissance mission at Macys yesterday too and found that Martha Stewart has taken over the store. That and no one registers for her stuff because it is not great quality. It makes it hard to register there since over 1/2 of all the house and home related departments are this cheap Macy's house brand with Martha's lisenced name on them. Pickins are slim and I didn't find much that wasn't gaudy or super modern. (same for cheap stuff vs wicked expensive)  I wish there was more middle ground.

I got my hair cut and it's way short. eep. Above my shoulders always freaks me out a bit and then it grows back in quickly and I forget.

Work is crazy and I have a lot to get done, so I shouldn't be posting this. I don't know how your companies are all weathering the recession, but ours has had some cutbacks but my department is still crazy busy. 

I think Steve and I have ben fielding the barage of questions and decisions required in this whole engagement process so far. Well until last night.

We were looking at April as a date to get married because it is off season and available in most reception places we have talked to. I asked my friends Amy and Janice to stand up since I was the maid of honor at both their weddings. It seemed only fitting that I invite them to do the same. Initially they both said yes.

I asked Janice if she would be able to still do that considering a late April wedding date and her pregnancy due date of Feb 3. And she not only can't stand up, they said they would not even be able to make it.

Her reasons were: 
1. She would not be healed yet from the birth (does it really take 2-3 months?)
2. Her 4 year old is in school at that time
3. Wayne can't watch the 4 year old while she is away since he is at work and pre-school is 1/2 days
4. She doesn't want to travel or stand up in a wedding while breast feeding

I understand that it is tough traveling with kids in general and really not easy when they are less than 6 months old. But somehow I thought it was workable with her parents here in Chicago to help and help from her husband Wayne. But she mentioned Wayne can't watch Evelynn because he has work, so basically my wedding wasn't even important enough for her husband to even plan to attend?  None of this really makes sense.

I guess when people have kids not only does their daily life change, the relevance to what they value and like changes too. And weddings are a part of those old things in the past that she went through 7+ years ago. She even said she doesn't even remember much of planning or going through her wedding anymore. I guess you hope that friendships will endure and be able to last but the truth is friendship is still about proximity and relevance in your life and distance plus life changes make it hard to maintain even with phone calls, emails, trips to visit back and forth and many sent christmas and birthday gifts.

Steve's friend Ryan's wife (a friend we had also asked to stand up) is also expecting a baby in March and they would not be able to come in April either, although they think July or August would work. They seem more willing to pack up the family and come out here though. 

It isn't something I thought about much before, but I guess you find out who actually likes you enough to show up when you have a wedding. And I didn't think I would be as dissapointed as I am.

I still seem to be suprised at how people are reacting to our engagement. I have felt like we were going this way for a while but not sure when it would be official and other people must not have known that. Everyone is genuinley suprised and a little stunned but also happy. The best reaction yet has been from Steve's friend Mike who replied with "WOW, Ho-ly Shit!!!" Really loudly into the phone. I thought that was pretty genuine.

Hey everyone. I just wanted to post an update that I am 33 now and well things are different.

Steve proposed on Saturday (my birthday) and of course I said yes. It hasn't really quite sunk in yet.

I have only told my parents and brother and my friend Janice since she called right after.

So, I guess things are a changin.

I have to say that we have been very close for a long time and everything seemed logically like being engaged or married in our relationship except that we live in 2 different places. So, I don't really feel any different even though I know it is.

Steve didn't know what kind of ring to get so he borrowed his great grandmother's wedding band from his mom that I can wear until that is figured out. So, I look more married than engaged right now. Which is ok too.

I guess when you feel like something is just right it isn't really very suprising that this is happening although I did think he would wait longer because next month will be 12 months since we started dating. I also thought it might be hard to make a decision like this not having any other long term relationships to compare it with but Steve assures me this isn't a problem.

So, we are off... and have no answers to any of the weding related questions. We don't know when, where or how all this will come together and we probably won't decide for a while yet. There was a joke of getting married by the end of the year for the income tax benefit but alas that is a joke. There is a lot to combining lives and households that will take a long time since we both will have to sell our places and that won't happen quickly in this market.

So, I guess you might wonder if as a girl I am overjoyed and think this is the most important moment in my life. Well yes and no. I am happy and really quite relieved. By 33 you wonder if getting engaged or married is even possible anymore and after all the crazy relationships I have been in I also wondered if Steve would want this or run off like so many others. I am relieved that not only has he been the best in compatibility yet but that he wanted this too.

I am happy in a calm kind of way. Nothing with Steve requires any worry. He is the most dependable, consistent, reliable, trustworthy guy ever. And that isn't even commenting on his attractiveness, smarts or sense of humor. I feel extremley lucky and blessed at this point.

I also think while getting engaged is important, it may not be more important than getting my college degree or buying my condo or working my way up in my job. I am still committed to achieveing things in my life even after marriage and not letting it all go like my mom had to do. I would like to think of my work, family and relationship as equal accomplishments rather than favoring the disney fairy tale "getting married is eveything" view that past generations of women my family had.

That said, I really enjoy Steve's family and look forward to meeting more of them and bringing everyone together for a fun celebration in a year or so.  And I think we really got this right. I love Steve very much and think we will be very happy together, although probably happier after all the wedding planning is out of the way.